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Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.

Winston Churchill

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They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

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