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You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.

Albert Einstein

Albert Einstein

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Mark Twain

Mark Twain

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

Dave Barry

Dave Barry

Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month.

Wernher von Braun

Wernher von Braun

Image CC-BY-SA
by Erg0456
via Wikimedia

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

Ken Dodd

Ken Dodd