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When a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of all the other men of her acquaintance for the inattention of just one.

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called 'brightness', but it doesn't work.

We can do no great things, only small things with great love.

When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew.