Woody Allen Quotes

My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.
Woody Allen

Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
Woody Allen

Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.
Woody Allen

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded, dead.
Woody Allen

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
Woody Allen

If my films make even one more person feel miserable, I'll feel I've done my job.
Woody Allen

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen