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During our crossing, Einstein explained his theory to me every day, and by the time we arrived I was fully convinced he understood it.

Chaim Weizmann       
I'd gotten to know a few Mafiosi, and all of them told me they loved the picture because I had played the Godfather with dignity. Even today I can't pay a check in Little Italy.

Marlon Brando       
A fat woman came into the shoe store today. Wanted a pair of shoes for a christmas party. I told her to stand on her hands, put a star in her butt and go as the world's largest, ugliest tree!

Al Bundy       
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman       
Each of us wages a private battle each day between the grand fantasies we have for ourselves and what actually happens.

Cathy Guisewite       
Ambrose Bierce
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.

Ambrose Bierce       






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