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I became a policeman because I wanted to be in a business where the customer is always wrong.

Unknown       
A fat woman came into the shoe store today. Wanted a pair of shoes for a christmas party. I told her to stand on her hands, put a star in her butt and go as the world's largest, ugliest tree!

Al Bundy       
Wait a minute. I'm a guy like me!

Homer Simpson       
Joan Rivers©
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir'.

Joan Rivers       
Mel Brooks©
I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.

Mel Brooks       
I can answer you in two words, im-possible.

Samuel Goldwyn       






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