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Woody Allen©
Last night I discovered a new form of oral contraceptive. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said no.

Woody Allen       
Hunter S. Thompson©
A cap of good acid costs five dollars and for that you can hear the Universal Symphony with God singing solo and Holy Ghost on drums.

Hunter S. Thompson       
If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving.

Henry Youngman       
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon playing golf.

Henry Aaron       
Bob Hope
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

Bob Hope       
George Bernard Shaw
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.

George Bernard Shaw       






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