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Johnny Carson
Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Johnny Carson       
Douglas Adams©
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

Douglas Adams       
I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out.

Rodney Dangerfield       
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Henny Youngman       
P. J. O'Rourke©
There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

P. J. O'Rourke       
Bill Murray©
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!

Bill Murray       



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