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Joan Rivers©
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me 'sir'.

Joan Rivers       
Bill Murray©
We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!

Bill Murray       
P. J. O'Rourke©
There's one more terrifying fact about old people: I'm going to be one soon.

P. J. O'Rourke       
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.

Robert Orben       
Jonathan Swift
The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet and Doctor Merryman.

Jonathan Swift       
I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks.

Totie Fields       






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