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Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.

Roseanne       
Ilie Nastase©
I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.

Ilie Nastase       
In times of rapid change, experience could be your worst enemy.

Jean Paul Getty       
Mark Twain
What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Mark Twain       
Oscar Wilde
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

Oscar Wilde       
Will Smith©
This has got to be a nine-point-oh on my weird-shit-o-meter.

Will Smith       




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