Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer.
I'm jealous of every man not married to you.
I wish the world was a fly and I'm a giant rolled up newspaper.
Peg, you can stab me with knives, you can beat me with clubs, you can make me open my eyes when we're having sex but there's no way on earth you can make me get a second job.
Oh, Lord, if I ever meant anything to you, please let me fall asleep before she thinks of sex.